Weapon
by fragilewreck
Summary: Jack is back now...But things aren't the same anymore between Kate and him...What will Kate do to fix it? Can she fix it or it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own lost as well as the characters In it…

A/N: Hi…It's my first attempt to write a story so please be nice…I am from Greece so please forgive me for the mistakes that I'm sure I'll make…This story is what I think and hope that will happen in the sequence of the third season…I am a devoted jate fan so this story is going to be total jate…That's all…R n' R…

Summary: Sawyer and Kate are back but kate's heart is still at the other island. She cares for Sawyer but does she really love him? She promised Jack not to go back for him but can she keep her promise when she finally realizes how much he means to her?

**Chapter1(Kate's POV)**

"_Do you remember what story I told you when you were stitcing me up?"_

Of course she did. How could she forget? The look on his face when he was asking for her help, trusting her without even knowing her, his eyes pleading with her but at the same time not blaming her for not wanting to deal with a situation like that, his smile at her joke about his color preference and at last the story that followed her every time she was in danger. She couldn't forget the look he gave her and the words he told her when she admitted her favorite action. Running. But he believed in her even though he had just met her. He trusted her with his life only by looking into her eyes. And he didn't stop trusting her after that even when he found out about her little secret, her being a wanted criminal and having killed someone she used to love. No. He didn't stop looking at her with those hazel eyes full of trust and care. He didn't stop caring, trying to make it all right, trying to fix her. But what did she do for him? She just left him behind. She ran away from him once more. She turned her back on him again.

"_I can't leave without you"_

That's what she had said. That she couldn't. But she did. She left him there where he probably would end up killed. But for now he was alive. She knew it. She could fill it. No. He couldn't be dead. Not after all that they'd been through. Not when she needed him most. She shouldn't have left. She shouldn't have listened to him. She should have stayed and fight for him. Show him how much he meant to her. How much he still means to her. But she wasn't alone. If she had stayed Sawyer would have stayed too. If Sawyer had stayed he would be dead now. And she couldn't let that happen. Not because of her.

_Sawyer_

The man she cared for. The man she gave herself to. The man she lo… No. She couldn't say it. Not to him not even to herself. Was it because she was scared of love? Was it because she just wasn't ready? Or was it because her heart belonged to another man? The man who she knew she didn't deserve? The man who everytime they got close she pushed away? The man who when he looked at her she melt to the core and made her feel like a schoolgirl? The man named Jack?

"Hey"

Her thoughts were disturbed by the one man she couldn't face right now. His eyes were searching hers for some answers. Answers she refused to give him since their escape. But she wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Hi"

She replied with a half smile hoping he'd leave her alone.

"You've been out here all day. Didn't ya get bored of looking at the ocean? I doubt it's that interesting." he said with a smirk trying unsuccessfully to lighten the mood.

"What do you want Sawyer?" She asked wanting to get rid of him as soon as possible.

"No need to be rude freckles, just checking up on you, see how you've been. But I guess I got my answer to that."

"Then you got what you wanted. You can go now." She said bitterly but desperate to have some time on her own.

He didn't say anything at first. He just looked at her hurt and sad trying vainly to hide it. So he turned to leave but before that he added "Stop feeling guilty. You did what he asked you to do. It was his choice."

"_But I chose to obey him. And I hate myself for that_ "she thought bitterly.

Ok. Horrible I know. Small too. If any of you liked it please tell me so I don't kill myself…Just kidding but I beg you to tell me what you think of it so that I know whether to continue or not… thanx


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys… it meant a lot… I'll continue this story for now to see how it goes… So here's next chapter… Hope you like it…

**Chapter 2 (Sawyer POV)**

"_I love him"_

That's what she had said. He was pretty damn sure he heard those words coming out of her mouth while he was being tortured. At first he thought he imagined it. That he wanted to hear her say it so much that he actually heard her confess her love for him. But it wasn't his imagination. No. She had said it. And he believed her. Even though she denied it later he believed that once in his life he was being truly loved. Loved by the woman he himself loved. And God it felt good.

"_I love you too" _

He had said it too. For once he confessed his true feelings without holding anything back. He was being honest and he liked it. At first he was scared. Scared that she'd reject him. Tell him that their encounter was a mistake. And that she was sorry. But she didn't. She just kissed him. He supposed that was her way of telling him her feelings. That she couldn't find the words or she was just too scared. So he accepted it. He was too happy to think otherwise. Too in love to see what was truly that she was feeling. And that was pain. He knew that now.

"_I can't leave without you" _

He kept thinking of these words. Over and over again trying to find a different meaning each time. At first he thought she was just being good. Not let anyone down, try to be a good person for once, not leave anyone behind. Then he thought she was feeling guilty. After all Jack had done for her, including him sacrificing his life to save hers, she couldn't just leave him behind. Couldn't let him die because of her. After that he started to think about their relationship and the time they used to spend together. So he thought she was feeling guilty once again but this time cause she hadn't chosen Jack. She had chosen him. And maybe she couldn't bear hurting him twice. These were his first thoughts. Thoughts he had while they were running to escape. But now they were back. And everything was different. Everything.

"Hey Sawyer"

It was Charlie. "Great, exactly what I needed."he thought bitterly.

"What do you want, shortie?"

"Nothing Just wanna sit with you. Can i?"

"No actually you can't. Why the big interest? Did someone make you come here as a punishment or did you lose a bet?"

"Hey man no need to be mean. Just came here to see if you were ok but apparently you're not. So what's the problem?"

"It's none of your business. So I'd suggest you leave now before I get up and make you leave."he said obviously not in the mood for talking.

But Charlie wasn't gonna give up so easily.

"Is it Kate?"he asked wanting nothing more than to find out what happened between them while they were captured .

Sawyer didn't say anything. He just glared at him showing he wasn't happy with where their conversation was going. But Charlie was determined to find out.

"Are you together?"

With that Sawyer got up without warning and came face to face with him looking at him with an angry look that could kill.

"If I were you I'd start running now cause I won't hold back much longer" he threatened. His fists clenched to his sides ready to hit him so hard he'd begged for mercy.

But Charlie seemed not to care so he asked the one question he knew that wasn't going to end up well.

"Did you screw her?"

It all happened at once. Sawyer attacked Charlie with all he got. Fists, knees even with his head. They fell to the ground wrestling with each other. It was obvious Sawyer had it. Charlie was just trying to save himself from the angry and furious Sawyer who seemed not to care even if he killed him. After a while people started gathering and few of them tried to separate them. Sawyer just wanted to kill Charlie but Charlie had gotten what he wanted. Answers. Even if Sawyer hadn't given them straight he now had a pretty good idea about what had happened. So he just turn his back to Sawyer smiling and went back to where he was before.

However, Sawyer was not happy. After Charlie had left he started attacking to those who had stopped him. He didn't know why. He just wanted to get it out. The hurt, the pain, the anger. All at once. Everyone was yelling at him to stop but he couldn't. he was just like a wild animal that was freed. Until he heard her voice.

STOP!!!

He turned around and saw her. Angry and confused. She came closer to him, tried to touch him, to find out what was wrong with him but he didn't let her. He couldn't let her see how hurt he was because he hated when people pitied him. And that's what she would feel for him. Pity. And he couldn't allow that. So he left. He left her standing there not knowing what it was that she did wrong.

After a while of walking into the jungle he stopped. He didn't know where he was but he didn't give a shit. He wanted to get away. Away from people, away from her, away from love. He wanted so badly to stop loving her, to stop hurting. But his heart couldn't obey his mind. So he gave into it. Into his love for her and the pain she caused him. Tears started pouring down his face. God he hadn't cried for so long. Actually he couldn't remember when it was the last time he cried. He supposed it was when his mother died. She was the only woman he ever truly loved. Until Kate.

She was different. Good different. She had everything a man wants. But it wasn't just that. What made him love her was that she believed in him. Believed that there was good in him. That he wasn't that bad after all. And that's why he thought she loved him too. But he was wrong. He was so wrong.

Her heart belonged to the doc. Even if she didn't know it or she didn't want to admit it to herself it was Jack she longed for. It was Jack she needed. And it was Jack she loved. She was just too scared to realize it and let Jack know it. Cause she thought she didn't deserve him. That he was too good for her. That he'd end up hurt because of her. What she didn't know was that she was hurting him more by pushing him away.

Sawyer was only a way of forgetting him. A way to forget her feelings for him.

"_I'm the consolation prize"_ he thought bitterly.

So what do you think?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She was bored. Tired of sinking, of looking at the ocean, of picking fruit. So she decided to go help Sun with her garden. She had missed her company. They hadn't really talked much after her return so she thought it would be nice if they could just be like they used to be. She wanted someone to talk to. Not about the others, not about their escape, not about Sawyer and certainly not about Jack. She just wanted to forget all her problems for just a little. She thought she deserved it after all she'd been through.

She saw her outside her tent cleaning up and tiding her stuff. She looked content without worries. Kate wished she could feel that. Feel that even if not everything is alright she could be happy. But no. she didn't deserve to be happy. She had caused too many problems to ask for happiness. She knew that and that's why she'd stopped looking for it.

She approached Sun slowly so as not to scare her. When she looked up she saw her and smile.

"Hey. How you've been?" she asked politely.

"Good" Kate replied. "you?"

"Tired. I have to admit I didn't think that having a baby could be so difficult. I actually thought that the only trouble was to give birth but I was so wrong!" she said with a laugh.

"Are you okay?" she asked with worry.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just that wnenever I fall asleep the baby seems to want to get my attention. I can't even remember how many times I woke up last night to throw up. It's really exhausting." She said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry" Kate said sincerely. "Is there anything I can do to help you?

"Thanks for the offer but I'm afraid that I have to go through this alone."

"I was thinking, Kate said,maybe we could go gardening together, you know, for old time's sake."

"You know what? That would be great. We haven't really talked after…you know…" she said awkwardly.

"I know" replied Kate quickly. "But I would appreciate it if we didn't talk about that." She said pleading with her to drop the subject.

"of course honey, whatever you want" Sun replied trying to read her expression but not succeeding.

They started walking towards the garden. Every now and then Sun would take a glimpse from Kate in case she could see her thoughts or feelings. But Kate was too guarded. She always had those walls around her in order to protect her and to keep her feelings inside but now those walls were impassable. Sun knew something between her and Sawyer had happened back there with the others but she didn't want to press for answers. She'd get them when Kate was ready to give them. What she didn't understand was what had happened to Jack and what Kate felt about it. But now wasn't the time. Not yet.

They finally reached their destination and started working on the garden. They were silent for along time but they didn't seem to care. They wanted this. They needed this. Kate needed this and Sun wanted to give to her. They kept working in silence each lost in their thoughts. Their moment was interrupted by a shout.

"Sun!!!!!?"

"I'm right here" it was Claire.

After a while she appeared holding Aaron close to her chest.

"Hey Sun…oh…Hey kate…Didn't know you were here…

"I was just helping Sun with her garden"she replied noticing that Claire was not too happy to see her.

"Oh okay…didn't mean to interrupt." She said with a cold voice that didn't go unnoticed by Sun.

"Is everything alright?"

"Everything is perfect' she said still glaring at Kate.

"Ok Claire what's wrong with you?" asked Kate not really understanding what was going on.

"You're what's wrong with me!!!!!"she finally snapped giving Kate a look that could kill.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You know after all we've been through I thought I knew you. I thought you were a caring woman, a woman with heart. But I was wrong. No, I was stupid. Stupid enough to believe that even though you were a criminal you had a good heart. That you wanted to be a better person. But it was all bullshit.

"What the hell are you talking about??? Yelled Kate getting upset with Claire.

"How could you do this to him? How could you do this to him after all he'd done for you? Huh? How could you?" Claire yelled.

"Who are you talking about?" Kate yelled losing her temper. What the hell is wrong with her? She thought.

"Don't act all innocent to me. I talk about Jack. How could you sleep with Sawyer Kate? Why???

Kate was left speechless. How the hell did she know about that?

Wh…? Ho..? Who told you? She finally asked with tears starting to form in her eyes.

Sun was watching stunned. What the hell was happening?

"Does it matter?" said Claire. "It doesn't change what you did. I just can't believe you that's all. I mean he was there for you even when you pushed him away, he was always there for you ,trying to make you feel better, caring for you, loving you… but that wasn't enough for you was it? If you didn't want him why did you play him? Make him believe that you actually cared when you didn't? So you slept with Sawyer…okay…you made your choice… but how could you leave him behind? How could you let him die??????" Claire was literally screaming by now. "And when you came back you didn't even pretend to miss him or even feel guilty about leaving him behind. You haven't even spilled a god damn tear for him!!!

Kate was looking at her expressionlessly. She didn't move or say anything. She just stood there looking at her.

"Say something!!!!!!!!" Claire yelled.

But Kate didn't say a thing. She just turned her back to her and left her and Sun standing there.

She had been walking for at least one hour when she finally reached her destination. The place where she came every night without being noticed by anyone after their escape. The place where she could be herself and express her feelings without being scared. The place where she first met Jack. Where she sewed his back. Where he told her the story.

She dropped to her knees and stared at nothing. Tears started streaming down her face. The pain in her heart was unbearable. She felt like she was suffocating. She led down and started sobbing. Sobbing uncontrollably.

It had become a routine to her. Every night she would come here where she first met him and she would cry for him. She would think of their shared moments, the happy and the bad ones, she would prey for him, wish that he was okay and that he would come back and then she would go back to her tent and pretend everything was okay.

She didn't care about what Claire had told her. She didn't care what people thought of her. She just knew she needed him and that this place was where she could be herself and show her true feelings for him.

Please review…


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews!!!!!!!

**Chapter 4 ( Jack POV)**

Emptiness. That's all he felt. Absolutely nothing. But he preferred it that way. It was better than worrying. Better than asking himself the same questions over and over again. "Where am i?", "Why am I here?", "What are they gonna do to me?", "Where is Kate?", "Is she alright?". No, it was much better.

Jack was sitting in one of the cages that existed there. Every once in a while someone would pass in front of him pretending that he wasn't there. But he didn't care. It was better that way. He wasn't sleeping but he wasn't awake either. It was something between. His eyes were open but his mind empty. No thoughts and no feelings. And he was grateful for that.

Now he was waiting. Waiting for Ben to announce what he was gonna do to him. The surgery was successful but Jack's betrayal couldn't go unnoticed. Ben had been informed about the events that happen while he was unconscious and he wasn't happy. Actually he was furious. Jack was beaten and tortured by Ben's decision and was now a prisoner waiting for the sentence to be announced.

But he couldn't care less. He was prepared for the worse. He had prepared himself since he made the decision to give up his chance to get off this island in order to save Kate. It wasn't that he wanted to be the hero once again. No. He just couldn't stand to see her get hurt. He'd rather die. And that was why he had done all of this. For her.

Kate.

Her name still hunted him. Still made him hurt like hell. Made him want to cry and never stop. Her image curled up with Sawyer still tortured him. But even after what he had seen he couldn't let her get hurt. And he couldn't let Sawyer either. If it was Sawyer she wanted then so be it. It was none of his business. He would save her and he would save Sawyer for her.

So here he was now, captured and waiting to see what would happen to him.

Ben had told him that he would come at dawn. And he didn't disappoint him. He saw him coming towards him surrounded by several others including Juliet. He didn't stand up. He just waited. If he was gonna die he would do it his way.

Ben approached him. He didn't seem angry neither happy. Just curious.

"I'm going to ask you some questions. Regarding the answers that I'll take I'll decide what I'll do with you." He said smiling at him.

Jack didn't answer. He was sick of all their games. Sick of talking. Sick of him. Right now he just wanted to die. To stop breathing and stop feeling. That's all he wanted.

But Ben wasn't going to accept that. He wanted answers and he'd do anything to get them. So he did the only thing he knew that would make him obey. He threatened him.

"If you don't answer me you'll get hurt."

Jack just kept looking at him fearless.

"And if you still don't talk to me your people are gonna get hurt."

Jack's expression changed. His eyes betrayed his inner fear but he didn't give up.

"And after that it's Kate's turn." He said looking at him intently trying to show him that he wasn't kidding and that everything he said was true.

And he succeeded. "What do you want to know?" Jack asked clenching his fists, ready to fight but knowing that there was no way he could beat them.

"That's better" said Ben grinning from ear to ear.

He came closer to him and asked him.

"When did you decide to play this little game?

"When I was preparing for your surgery" Jack answered not really understanding what the point of his question was.

"Did you know about the other island?"

"No"

"Who told you?"

"Kate"

"If your friends hadn't succeeded in escaping would you let me die?"

At this question Jack looked straight at him.

"Yes" he answered.

Ben just smiled.

"Let me ask you something else. What exactly are your feelings for Kate?"

Jack didn't answer. Hell would freeze before he answered that. He hadn't even admitted this to himself.

"I'm not gonna wait for long, you know.

"I don't know." He finally answered. And it was the truth. He didn't know what he felt for her. He didn't dare to think about it. What was the point? She had chosen Sawyer. She wanted Sawyer. He was nothing but a friend to her. Why risk confessing his feelings for her if he was only gonna end up hurt?

Ben stared at him for a long time.

"Think about it. I have time. I can wait for you to find out." He said smiling at him.

Jack looked at him full of anger and hate.

"What do you want from me?" he yelled with all his might.

"I want you to admit it, admit your feelings for her, admit how much you hurt when you saw her with Sawyer, admit how much you need her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled back at him.

"Shut up!!!" yelled Jack.

"Tell me!!! Tell me why you sacrificed your life to save hers when she chose Sawyer instead of you!!!!!!! Tell me!!!!!"

"Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why did you do it??? Why?????"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!!!!!!!" screamed Jack.

Everybody stared at him. He was breathing hard and tears were streaming down his face. He sat slowly to the ground holding his face in his hands.

"Because l love her" he whispered.

What do you think? Lousy?


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Chapter 5 **

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since they escaped. Two weeks since she left him behind. Two weeks since she stopped being herself. She was like a robot. She did everything without thinking. But it was better that way. An empty mind instead of pain and sorrow. She liked it that way.

She kept going into the jungle and picking fruit. She kept helping Sun with her garden. Kept hunting with John. She just kept living. But she also kept going to her favorite place at night. The place where she met him and where she felt whole. She couldn't stop going there. She didn't want to.

They hadn't heard anything from the others. They didn't know whether Jack was alive or not. Everybody had stopped having faith. Everyone had resigned to the idea that Jack was dead. Everyone except her. She was the one to prevent Sayid and Locke from empting his tent in search of something useful or essential. She was the one who kept saying "When Jack comes back…" or "What would Jack think…?". She was the one who still believed in him. Believed that he would come back. But she was the only one.

Her relationship with Sawyer was not the same any more. It was awkward. Sometimes while she was sinking, looking at the ocean, he would come and wrap his arms around her and kiss the top of her head. But she wouldn't speak. She would stay there holding her breath and wishing she could just disappear.

She hated herself for what she did to him. She wished she hadn't. But she couldn't change it. Couldn't change the fact that she had hurt him. Hurt his feelings. She had given him false hope. She had made him thought that she wanted him to be something more than friend. That she loved him. But she didn't. She couldn't. There were times when she wished she could love him. Just be with him without worrying about anything or anyone else. It would be so easy.

But she couldn't.

She didn't mean to kiss him. Didn't mean to sleep with him. She still hadn't figured out why she had done it. She thought it was because of the situation that they were in. Captured, alone, him going to die. She didn't want to believe that she had done it out of pity. "He's going to die so let's give him some pleasure". No. she wanted it. But not for the same reasons he wanted it. She wasn't in love with him. She cared for him. A lot. She even loved him. But only as a friend.

It wasn't that she wasn't attractive to him. She was. But she didn't want a relationship of that kind with him. Because then she would be the same person she used to be before the crash. The bad girl who always end up with the bad boy. She didn't want that any more. She wanted to change. She had already changed. _He_ had changed her.

Jack.

At first she was annoyed by him. Always so perfect. No mistakes. No sins. But later she understood that he wasn't perfect at all. He had flaws like everyone. Made mistakes. Hurt people. But what he did that made a difference was that he tried to fix his mistakes. To make it all right. Not because he wanted to be the hero. No. He just wanted to help. Help everyone. Help her. Even if she didn't deserve it.

But what made him so special to her was that he believed in her. Believed that somewhere deep inside her there was good. And he tried to bring it out. Sometimes he succeeded but other times she just pushed him away. She just thought that she wasn't worth his time. That he was wasting his time on something unfeasible. But he kept trying. And that's why she needed him.

She didn't know if she loved Jack. But she knew that whenever he approached her she always smiled. Always felt the butterflies in her stomach going in battle. She hated it when she lied to him or disobeyed him. But most of all she hated it when she let him down. The look on his face was unforgettable and always made her heart break. But she couldn't help it. In the end all she could be was a disappointment.

Now all she could think about was if he was okay. If he was coming back. She didn't even dare to think what Jack would say if he knew about her and Sawyer. Would he be jealous? Would he be mad at her? Would he be disgusted by her? Or would he just ignore it? Not give a damn about it? No. she couldn't think like that. For now, all that mattered was his survival. His return. When he would be back she would explain to him. She would tell him everything. But now she only could wait. Wait for him.

"Hey Kate!!!"

It was Locke.

"I'm going boar hunting. Wanna join?" he asked.

She thought about it a moment.

"Sure" she replied and went to grab her stuff.

It had been an hour since they had gone. Everything at the beach was normal. Quite. Until Charlie saw something. Someone. He tried to see who it was. And when he realized he started screaming.

"It's Jack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody turned to look. And yes. It was him. Jack.

He was walking along the beach. He looked tired. Tortured. He was looking down. Didn't even bring his head up when people started screaming and cheering. He was in his own world.

In the meantime Charlie and the rest of the people were delirious. They were yelling, laughing and celebrating. But someone was missing. Someone who'd die just to see Jack approaching. And Sun was the one to notice that Kate wasn't there. She had gone with Locke into the jungle. But she was supposed to be here by now. So where was she?

Suddenly she and Locke emerged from the jungle. Both looking exhausted and disappointed for not catching anything.

Jack was closer now. Still looking at the ground.

Sun ran quickly to Kate.

"Kate!!!!!!!!"

"What's wrong ?" she asked worried.

"Look!!!!!" she replied smiling and pointed Jack.

Kate froze. Couldn't move, couldn't do anything. Just stared at him.

He was walking slowly. Head down.

She started walking towards him. Still not speaking. Just looking at him.

They were about 10 meters apart when he looked up. He saw her and stopped walking. He was looking straight at her, million thoughts running through his mind. He couldn't stop looking at her. Couldn't move. So he just stayed there.

She was stunned too. By now tears had started running down her face but she just couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Finally something snapped at her. And she did the first thing that popped into her head. She ran to him.

After a second she was in his arms. Her hands were around his neck and his wrapped around her so tight, afraid she'd let go. But she didn't. Her face buried into his neck, crying, the only thing she could and wanted to do was hold him and never let go. They were both crying now. His hands now had settled behind her head, underneath her wild curls and hers clutching at his shirt.

Everybody else was looking at them amused. Charlie and Hurley were hugging each other, Claire was holding Aaron tears of joy streaming down her face, Sun was holding Jin's hand she too crying and generally for once everybody looked happy. Even Sawyer was happy to see him. After all, he had saved his life. Again.

After a while Jack realized that they were holding each other for a while now so he decided to break the hug. Even if he didn't want to. He pushed her back a little so that he could look into her eyes. And what he saw thrilled him. She was happy. Happy to see him. Happy to have him back. Tears were still pouring from her eyes so he just whipped them.

"Hey" he whispered.

"Hey" she replied smiling at him.

And then he looked up and saw everyone.

And suddenly everybody was around him, hugging him even kissing him. But he didn't care. God he had missed them. All of them. Even the ones who used to annoy him to death.

Kate left his side. He would talk to him later. For now all that mattered was that he was back. And that he was okay. Everything else could wait till later.

That's it… If you thing it's awful just say it… no hard feelings…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you so so so so so so much!!! God I can't stop thanking you… sorry about that… Anyway here's the next chapter… Hope you like it…

**Chapter 6**

He was ignoring her.

It had been two days since his return and she still hadn't talked to him. She didn't actually know what to tell him just…something. Anything. But he was always so busy. Busy fixing someone's leg or head or toe. It was like everyone was against her. Like everyone knew that she wanted some time alone with him and did everything to prevent it from happening.

But apparently he didn't want to talk to her either. Cause if he wanted, he could find the time. Like he used to. He could sit next to her at night and look at the ocean without saying anything, he could ask her to help him with something or play golf with her. He could just say good morning or goodnight to her. But no. He didn't even do that anymore.

Something had changed. And she didn't know what.

She brought him fruit every morning. But all she got was a 'thank you'. Not even a look.

It was like he was mad at her. But for what? She had done everything he had asked her to do. Leave him behind and never come back. He couldn't blame her for that even if she blamed herself for everything. No. That was not it.

Maybe he really didn't have the time. Maybe he was planning on coming to talk to her but something always got in the way.

But she doubted it.

She also noticed the way he talked to Sawyer. He always was cold. Didn't reply to his nasty remarks. He just told him what he wanted to and was on his merry way. He even looked at him with difficulty.

Noticing that Kate thought of the possibility that Jack had learned about her and Sawyer. That somebody had told him. But if he knew he would have come to confront her. Wouldn't he?

She didn't know what to think any more. At first she was confused. Then she got angry. And now she was furious. What the hell was wrong with him?

The third day of his return she decided to go and demand for some answers. Even if he was surrounded by forty people.

She looked for him all over but she couldn't find him.

"Hey Sayid!" she yelled.

"Hey Kate, is anything wrong?"he asked.

"No everything is fine. Do you know where Jack is?"

"Emm actually yeah… I saw him chopping wood over there" he said and pointed her the direction.

"Thanks" she smiled at him.

She was walking for about ten minutes through the jungle when she heard him. He was breathing hard. He was obviously exhausted. She walked closer until she saw him. God she had missed him.

"Hey" she said looking at him and smiling.

He turned to look at her, surprised. It was the first time he had looked at her straight in the eyes since his return. His eyes showed weariness.

He looked at her for a minute and then he replied:" hey"

And he returned to his work.

She didn't say anything. She just waited to see where this was going. It was obvious that it wasn't gonna end up good but she wasn't gonna quit that easily. No. She was going to make him talk to her.

"How have you been?" she asked.

This time he didn't even turn around to look at her when he said:" good."

He just kept chopping wood.

But it was now or never.

"Okay Jack what the hell is going on?" she asked tired of playing games.

"Sorry?" he continued not to look at her.

"I said what the hell is going on?" she repeated getting frustrating with him.

"I don't really understand what you're talking about" he replied.

God he was so annoying.

"Will you just look at me for a second?" she yelled at him making jump in surprise.

He was now facing her, looking at her like she was just wasting his time.

"What the hell is wrong with you? She asked again.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Kate, and I don't get why you are so angry at me. I'm just chopping wood" he said looking at her ridiculously.

"I'm angry at you because the last two days you've been avoiding me and I don't even know why." She said still with a loud voice.

"I'm not avoiding you Kate, I've just been busy. What can I say, I'm a busy man." He said with a laugh.

"Like hell you are!!!" she yelled at him. "What did I do wrong Jack? What is it this time?

"Kate I really don't have time for th…

"Is it because I left you behind?"

"No Kate." He replied with a sigh. "You did what I asked you to do. I don't blame you"

"Then what is it???" she yelled. "Jesus Jack what did I ever do to deserve this?"

He didn't say anything. Just stared at her. Looking at her like he was saying "think harder".

And she did. And that's when she realized. He knew. He knew about her and Sawyer.

She froze. Tears started forming in her eyes. God no. Not this.

"Ho…Who..,Whe…I'm…I didn't…" she swallowed hard.

"Hey" he told her firmly. "No need to feel guilty. It's not like there was something between us. So no worries."

With that he turned around and started chopping wood again.

"How did you find out?" she asked him with trembling voice and tears finally running down her face.

He sighed but didn't turn around.

"Camera. I must admit I thought you were smarter than this. I mean screwing around in an open cage isn't exactly the most brilliant thing to do…but don't worry" he said and finally turned to look at her.

"I only saw you after the whole thing, so no need to be embarrassed." He said smiling ironically at her with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

She was now crying. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. She didn't know what to tell him. How to explain to him that it meant nothing. And that she was so sorry that she couldn't verbalize it.

"Jack I didn't…"

"Don't" he cut her off firmly. "Just don't."

"But I need to…"

"No Kate. You don't need to tell me anything. It's not like you were cheating on me. There wasn't and there isn't anything between us.

"Isn't there Jack?" she asked him trying to understand what he was feeling. Was it jealousy? Was it pain? Or was it just ignorance?

"No Kate there isn't" he replied to her looking at her straight in the eyes that were full of tears. "So now if you'll excuse me I must go back t…"

"So why did you do it?" she asked determined to make him admit his feelings.

"Do what?"

"Why did you sacrifice your life to save mine and Sawyer's? Why did you do it if there wasn't anything between us? Why are so angry at me for sleeping with Sawyer? Why??? She was literally screaming now.

"It doesn't matter Kate."

"Why???"

"It doesn't matter."

"Why not?"she screamed at him.

"Because you made your choice," he said looking at her," and I've made mine.

She stared at him finally realizing that he wasn't mad. He was hurt. Hurt by her. And that was killing her.

"What if I chose wrong?" she asked with tears running non-stop down her face.

"Then you're gonna have to live with that." He replied in the verge of tears.

With that he picked up the axe, turned around and started walking away from her.

"I'm sorry!!!" she yelled now sobbing.

He turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry!!! She said again.

Silently preying for him to forgive her. To understand her.

But he couldn't.

"I know Kate." He said smiling. "You're always sorry."

With that he turned around and left.

What do you think? If you didn't understand something, cause you see I'm not that good at describing situations, just ask me about it. And don't hesitate to tell me to stop if you hate it…


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all once again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Chapter 7**

She was staring at him again. She couldn't help it. She just kept looking at him until he would look up and she would avert her eyes from him.

He didn't look sad. He didn't look hurt either. Actually she couldn't comprehend what it was that he was feeling.

He was always doing something. Keeping himself busy. She wondered if he did that so that he would stop thinking of her. Or he just didn't want to sit since he had already forgotten about her. She wished it was the former.

She didn't want him to hurt because of her but she wanted him to care for her like he used to. She wanted to still be a part in his heart, even if it was small.

It had been a week since his return and four days since they had talked. Since **_the_** talk.

God she felt so bad. Although he had told her that she didn't have to explain anything to him, she wanted to. She wasn't going to tell him that she regretted it. Cause she hadn't. Because what happened with Sawyer made her realize that her feelings for him where entirely different from those she had for Jack.

Sawyer was her friend and he would always be. But Jack… Jack was more… He wasn't just a friend. He couldn't be just a friend. She knew that and she was sure that he knew that too.

She often found herself thinking of how it would be like to be with Jack. Like a couple. It wouldn't be easy, she knew that much. But it'd be different. Different from every relationship she had so far. And that intrigued her.

She watched him checking on Aaron trying to reassure Claire that nothing was wrong with him. He was so nice to everyone, always there to help, even those who didn't deserve his attention.

That was one of the reasons she had turned to Sawyer. Cause Sawyer was an asshole to everyone, except from her. He always seemed to go soft when she was around and she liked that. It made her feel special.

With Jack she sometimes thought that she was just another survivor. Just another broken person that needed to be fixed. And she hated that. She knew that she didn't deserve him but she also knew that she wouldn't be able to become the right one for him. She just couldn't be fixed.

And that was the difference between him and Sawyer. Sawyer wanted her just like she was but Jack wanted more. And she was afraid that she didn't have more.

She was still watching him when he locked eyes with her. He looked surprised for a moment and even more surprised when she didn't stop looking at him. They kept staring at each other until he turned around and walked back into the jungle.

"Damn it" she thought.

She had to make it right. She had to talk to him, make him understand even if he didn't want to hear it. She would make him listen.

She got up and started walking to where he was heading. She figured he was going to the caves. Perhaps he wanted some time alone since the caves were abandoned. Well they were gonna have some time alone whether he liked it or not.

She kept walking for about half an hour until she reached the caves. She saw him straight away and for a moment she stopped breathing.

He was sitting on a rock, shirtless and trying to clean up the wound that she once had sewed. Apparently it had opened again.

She looked at him for a while. Trying to fix it without success and getting pissed about it. She decided to make her presence known.

"Hey" she said quietly not wanting to scare him.

He looked up quickly surprised that someone had found him.

"Hey" he replied. He looked at her for a minute before he turned back to what he was doing.

"Do you want some help?" she asked smiling. "You look like you need it" she added when she saw him trying to deny her offer.

"Look it's not important I'll just…" he was cut off by Kate.

"Jack I'm just trying to help." She said firmly showing him that she wasn't gonna give up easily.

He thought about it for a minute and finally gave in.

"Fine."

Smiling, she approached him finally seeing the wound. And what she saw made her gasp.

"Jack!!!"

Jack looked at her unimpressed " It's nothing serious just…"

"What the hell are you talking about? If you think this isn't serious then you've deffinately misconstrued the meaning of the word" she told him making him chuckle a little. She sat down looking at his back. It was full of read marks like he was burnt and his previous wound had reopened.

"How the hell did you get these?" she asked apparently worried.

He didn't answer. Just kept looking down.

"Hey" she said louder turning him to look at her.

He finally looked at her and she then realized.

"Did they do this to you? She asked. Her voice starting to tremble.

He didn't say a thing but his eyes told her everything.

Tears started streaming down her face even if she tried to stop them.

"Why?" she asked still crying.

"Let's just say I wasn't a very good prisoner" he replied with a smile.

"Was it because you helped us escape?" she asked.

"Let's not talk about this Kate" he said turning his back at her.

"No let's! "she said turning him back again.

"What do you want to know Kate?" he said standing up getting frustrated with her.

"I want to know what happened to you!!!" she yelled back at him, she too standing up, now facing him.

"I got tortured, that's what happened!!!!!!" he screamed.

She kept looking at him biting her lower lip trying in vain to stop the tears from pouring down her face.

He turned away from her, not wanting to see her cry, rubbing his neck with his hand apparently not happy with where their conversation was going.

"Because of me?" she asked with trembling voice.

He didn't look at her and he didn't answer either.

"Did you get tortured because of me??????" she screamed at him.

"Yes!!!" he yelled finally looking at her. "Is that what you want to hear? Yes I got tortured because of you.!!! I almost died because of you!!! I can't even sleep at night and it's because of you!!!!!!! He screamed.

She was now sobbing.

"Because I just wanted to save you." He whispered turning his back at her.

They were silent for a moment until she spoke.

"See Jack?" she said laughing with tears.

"That's why I chose him" she said still smiling.

He was looking at her puzzled.

"I don't und…"

"I don't deserve you!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled at him.

He was still looking at her strangely.

"Don't you get it Jack? You're good I'm bad. You're perfect I'm not even close to it. You're just too good for me."

"Don't you think that the choice is mine to decide whether or not you're good enough for me?" he asked.

"No Jack. Not when I'm gonna be the one to watch you getting hurt because of me." She replied.

"But Sawyer is as bad as you?" he asked with sarcasm in his voice.

"No Jack. Sawyer wants me for who I am not for who he wants me to be."

"So now I'm trying to turn you into someone else?" he asked laughing.

"No Jack you just want to fix me. Make me good. But I know I'll never be good enough."

He looked at her for a minute. He thought he could just walk away. Leave her there. But then she'd thought that she was right. And she wasn't.

"Did it ever occur to you that I don't want you to change? That I love you just the way you are?

She looked puzzled. Did he just say that he loved her?

"I know you've hurt people Kate but that doesn't make you bad. If I thought of you as you think of yourself I would never do anything for you. I wouldn't care for you and I certainly wouldn't fall for you."

There it was again. Did he fell for her?

"Just because you don't see good in you doesn't mean I can't see it. I don't care if you've killed someone Kate because I'm sure that whatever you did you had a pretty good reason to do it."

She averted her eyes from him.

"All I care about is the way you always help people, always trying your best to satisfy everyone's need without taking anything in return. The difference between me and Sawyer isn't that I'm better than him. It's just that I know that the real you is good and I've fallen in love with that, not with the image that you're trying to put out.

She didn't say anything. She was left speechless.

"You see Kate for once in my life I don't want to fix someone. I don't want to fix you!!! He yelled at her.

He turned his back at her again and ran his hand through his hair.

Silence fell between them but she decided to break it.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

He turned to look at her with tears in his eyes.

"I didn't think that… I just thought… I'm…"

She couldn't speak. Didn't know what to say. They kept staring at each other until he couldn't take it any more.

It all happened at once. In a second he had grabbed her and kissed her with full force. She gasped in surprise but didn't pull away. His hands were holding her waist tightly while hers went to hold his face. Their tongues wrestled with each other both eager to taste the other. His one hand was now in her hair, beside her neck keeping her head up and close to his so that he could go on kissing her, and the other one was traveling up and down her back. Her hands were wrapped around his neck holding him close never wanting to let go. She whimpered in pleasure and that's when he realized what he had done. He pulled away at once breathing hard. She looked at him puzzled.

He stared at her for a moment. Looked at her swollen lips from his kisses. Looked at her eyes begging him to kiss her again. But he couldn't.

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

She looked at him hurt and not really understanding what was wrong with him.

"I can't do this."

With that he left. Once again she was left alone and in pain.

So???????? Did you like it??????????????


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey guys I'm really really really sorry for not updating… but you see school has started and I don't have much time… I apologize again and hope you like the next chapter…

**Chapter 8**

He was tired.

Exhausted.

Sick of feeling like this.

Sick of having feelings.

He wished he didn't. Wished he could just forget and move on. But he couldn't. And he couldn't do anything about it either.

So he learned how to pretend. Pretend he didn't care. That he wasn't hurt anymore.

But everyone could see beyond that.

He was smiling but everybody knew he was crying inside.

He was always busy, doing something so as to keep his mind distracted from the thought of her. The thought that was killing him.

But there was not point in it since she was always there, hunting him, when he was dreaming but also when he was awake.

He blamed her for that.

When he was coming back, returning from the others' camp he had made up his mind. He had accepted her decision and was going to respect it. After a while, he thought, the pain would ease and he would be able to move on.

But no.

She had made him suffer even more if that was possible.

She seemed to have regretted it. To be sorry for what she had done. The way she had looked at him right there before he kissed her was etched in his mind. He couldn't forget even if he wanted to.

Whenever he closed his eyes she was there. Her lips against his. Their tongues entwined together. Tasting each other.

The fact that she had kissed him back wasn't helping either. If she had just rejected him he would be hurt of course but he would be able to get past this.

But now…

Now that was impossible.

It was like she was doing it in purpose. Staring at him and him pretending he didn't know. Her trying to make small conversation and him trying to avoid her.

He didn't know what to do.

At night everyone would sit around the fire talking and laughing but not him. He would sit outside his tent with his small private fire.

And she would stare at him. Even when he looked up she kept looking at him, trying to read him. Trying to make him understand.

But he couldn't.

In the morning she would be the first one to wake. The first who would go and pick fruits for the others to eat. She was the one who would leave fruits outside his tent for him to eat.

But they didn't talk. She was scared and he was terrified.

She for hurting him and he for getting hurt.

And that was it.

The fifth day after their last talk and the feverous kiss he was sitting at the beach staring at the ocean. No one was hurt so he was free to do whatever he wanted. At least for now.

"Hey dude"

It was Hurley.

"Hey" he replied without looking up.

"Hey man"

And that was Charlie.

"Hey" he replied again.

They looked at each other, nodded and sat beside him, Hurley to his right and Charlie to his left.

They didn't speak for a while. Just stared at the ocean each thinking different thing. But Hurley was the one to interrupt their thoughts.

"So, dude, what's up with you and Kate?" he asked looking nervous, not sure if he should be asking him this.

Jack turned to look at him. He didn't say anything but turned again and kept looking at the ocean.

Charlie looked at Hurley as if saying "my turn".

"Are you, like, mad at her?" he asked really carefully trying not to get him upset.

Jack laughed at this and turned to look at him.

"Why would I be mad at Kate?" he asked still laughing finding the whole situation ridiculous.

"I mean, you guys don't talk anymore like you used to. Actually I haven't seen you talk to each other since you came back." continued Charlie hoping for the best.

"It just didn't happen. She didn't have time and neither did i. I don't really get what your problem is Charlie." Jack replied getting a little angry with him.

"My problem is that both you and Kate are like your cat just died. You're always so miserable and staring at nothing and completely in another world. It just seems to me that there's something wrong between you two and you are just too stupid and selfish to deal with it." Said Charlie trying in vain to make him talk.

"What happens between me and Kate is none of you busyness." He said obviously irritated and starting to get up and away from them.

"It is my busyness when it's _me _who listens to her crying every night." Said Charlie now yelling at him.

"What???" he asked surprised and now giving his full attention to his words.

"You heard me." Said Charlie. "I hear her sobbing every single day. And I thought that it was going to stop when you would be back. " he said shaking his head.

"What the hell are you talking about???" screamed Jack.

"Dude calm down" Hurley tried to reassure him.

"I won't calm down if you don't tell me what you're talking about" he continued yelling now furious with them.

"Well you see Jack when you were still at the others' camp she was a rack. She wasn't eating, drinking water or even sleep. Whenever we made her go to her tent to sleep she would always wake up with tears in her eyes screaming your name. She always said it was nothing and that she was okay but we knew better."

Jack was looking at him with pain in his eyes.

"She didn't want to break down. Not in front of us. She always tried to be strong but we could see through her. We just wondered when she was going to snap. So one day I followed her to where she seemed to be going every single night. I saw her going to a particular spot on the beach not too far from here but enough so as to not be heard. And what I saw broke my heart, Jack."

Jack couldn't say a word. He was speechless so he just waited for him to continue trying hard to keep the tears from pouring down his face.

"She dropped down, curled into a ball and started sobbing. I didn't know what to do. She was crying hysterically and I didn't know whether she wanted to be alone or not. So I left. And I preyed to god for you to come back."

A tear finally dropped down his face. He couldn't speak couldn't move couldn't do anything. Did she really care for him that much? Did she want him to come back so badly? Or it was just guilt for letting him behind? He didn't understand.

"I know what you think, Jack" said Charlie smiling at him. "That she was just feeling guilty for leaving you behind but you see there's something that doesn't fit. I thought that since you were back she'd stop crying and having nightmares and she did but only for 2 days. Then I saw her going to see you into the jungle and I also saw her coming out with tears streaming down her face. And then she started crying in her sleep again. But now she didn't call your name she just kept telling that she was sorry."

They didn't say anything. Just kept staring at each other.

"As you said before, Charlie continued, it is none of my busyness. All I have to tell you is that whatever she did to you she has definitely regretted it."

And with that he turned his back to him and started walking towards the opposite direction. After a while Hurley followed him.

And he was left alone. Confused, hurt and alone. Millions of thoughts were running through his head. "What should I do? Pretend I don't care? Go talk to her? Apologize to her? Make her tell me her feelings?"

He didn't have much time to think cause he saw her emerge from the jungle looking sad and skeptical. He started to think but decided that it would be better if he for once did what his heart told him and not his mind. And he did just that.

He walked up to her, looking at her straight in the eye. She was looking at him strangely. They hadn't talked for she didn't know how long and here he was approaching her like nothing was wrong.

When he reached her, before she had time to ask him what was going on, he grabbed the back of her neck and attached his lips to hers. She was stunned but didn't back off. After a while he wrapped his other hand around her bringing her closer. Their mouths opened and their tongues attacked each other. Her hands were holdind tightly his torso, not knowing what was going on but not wanting to stop. He kept kissing her, his tongue searching her mouth, his hands exploring her back , wanting never to let go. Her hands were holdind his cheeks and his were entangled in wild curls when they stopped to take a breath. Both of them had their eyes closed, foreheads touching each other. Kate was the first one to break the silence.

"Jack?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah" he said looking at her.

They just kept looking at each other, not knowing what to say but content at the moment.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

Tears streamed down her face and she smiled at him.

"I'm not" she said smiling.

He laughed at this and took her mouth once again kissing her passionately.

They didn't know that the whole beach was watching them. They didn't know that everyone was smiling at them, happy for them, relieved that they finally made up.

Hurley and Charlie were standing in front of the others. Charlie turned around, looked at the losties and said:

"And that, my friends, is what we call love."

**THE END**

I know it sucked and I'm sorry for that. I didn't know how to continue this story so I decided to end it. I was really stuck about what to write next so forgive me for writing such lousy things… At least now that it's over you won't have to go through this again…LOL

Thank you all for the reviews… it meant a lot…


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